i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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