i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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