He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
