Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
