I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
