we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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