Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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