I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
