and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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