I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
