I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
