batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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