I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
