My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
