Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
