yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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