Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
