Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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