Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
