im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
