am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
