so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
