she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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