It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
