I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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