Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
