Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
