You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
