is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
