Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
