so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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