wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
