I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
