please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
