capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
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Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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