It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I forget how to act sober
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
