The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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