i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
