great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
