Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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