Heybabeimwearingurpanties
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
