I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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