I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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