im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
