I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
