I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
