Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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