i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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