dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
