So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
