just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
