If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
