I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
