I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
