a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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