Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
