Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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