Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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