please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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