I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
