I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
