I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
