She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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