If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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