Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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