What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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