I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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