between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
