U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
