ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
