Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
