He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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