You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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