Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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