it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
3pm strippers are depressing
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
