Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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