Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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