you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
