k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
