i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
