ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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