when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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