I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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