you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
BRING THE BAGELS
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
