I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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