I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
